i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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