it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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