He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
