he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
