i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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