2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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