he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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