So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
