I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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