this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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