His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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