Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
