i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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