dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
