How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
