He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
