very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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