my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
