Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
