And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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