i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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