peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
