thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
