This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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