the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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