Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
