think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
