He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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