Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
