Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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