I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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