i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
