A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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