her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
