do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
