Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
