i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The ass gains better be worth it
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