That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
