just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
