you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
