If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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