You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
