hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
