There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
