Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
