So drunk its hurt
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
