Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
