A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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