used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
