What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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