So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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