she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
