that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
