I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
