what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
