he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
