that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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