If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
