i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
