he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
